You know a movie is in trouble when its youngest actor -- a tot of perhaps three -- gives the best performance of anyone.

"Pet Sematary" is a classic example of a good book gone wrong. The dialogue is stilted, the pacing is awkward, and the acting -- well, it's downright pathetic. In other words, everything the novel does right, the film does wrong.

If I could look at "Pet Sematary" as a movie and just as a movie, then it might seem somehow acceptable -- barely. Chronicling the life of the Creed family as they move to their new house, a house that borders a place of great secrets, of great power, and of greater terror, "Pet Sematary" is more or less a sort of modern day zombie flick. As a stand-alone movie, it is fairly creepy, and its premise is sufficiently horrific. "Pet Sematary" is not, however, a stand-alone film. It is a translation of a wonderfully chilling novel by Master of Horror, Stephen King, and though plot-wise, the film stays fairly true to Stephen King's novel, the movie remains flat and unconvincing throughout. Unfortunately, this is a fate that has befallen most of King's work. Stephen King's novels don't, as a rule, translate well onto the silver screen. In much the same way that "Pet Sematary"'s Church, having come back from the dead, seems to be missing something vital, so do King's books when they transition to movies.

Perhaps this is because so much of the action in Stephen King's novels, so much of what is horrifying in them, happens to the characters internally. It is their thoughts, their fears, their histories and hopes, that make King's novels so successful. Films often have difficulty conveying this, and this is especially true of the horror genre. "Pet Sematary" is no exception to this rule.

The novel that "Pet Sematary" is based on is probably one of the best, most terrifying horror novels ever written, and that only makes the movie even more disappointing. In his novel, Stephen King reveals the horror layer by layer, peeling away the sense of normality and safety little by little, until all that is left is sheer terror.

There is no terror in the movie. Pascow's midnight visits -- though probably the highlight of this movie -- are more humorous than frightening. That first trip beyond the pet cemetery to the ancient Micmac burial ground is glossed over and thin -- as thin as the soil that Louis must dig through in order to bury Church, his daughter's beloved cat. Even Church's reappearance from the dead lacks the shock value, the terror factor that it should have.

The acting in this movie is downright deplorable. The chemistry between the movie's focal figure, Louis Creed (played by Dale Midkiff) and his wife Rachel (played pitifully by Denise Crosby) is nonexistent. The little girl who plays Ellie garners no sympathy. She is little more than annoying and painfully whiny. Only Brad Greenquist, as Victor Pascow, Louis's ghostly midnight savior, is enjoyable in his timing and delivery.

So, what's good about this movie? Well, very little. Only two things come to mind.

First, there is one beautifully chilling aerial shot of the Micmac burial ground. Complemented with the far-off beating of drums and tribal music, it's a perfect scene. If the film had more shots like this, then it may have had a better shot at succeeding.

Secondly, there is Victor Pascow. Intentional or not, in his orange gym shorts, with his peep-hole skull, he is hilarious. Brad Greenquist should go on to better projects...in comedy.

Unfortunately, "Pet Sematary" isn't even laughably bad. It just falls painfully into the land of yawns.

So, if you want the kind of film that's going to send chills down your spine, don't reach for "Pet Sematary" on the shelves of your local Blockbuster.

I've got a much better idea for you...

Curl up on the couch with your honey, burrow deep under the blankets, and grab your remote.

Okay...

Now shut off that VCR. Yes, you heard me right. Shut it off. Instead, pick up that book. You know the one. It says "Pet Sematary" on the spine. Open it to page 1. Now read. Let your mind be your movie screen -- and I can guarantee you, you'll be terrified.